Is Romance Dead?
Bright star, would I were stedfast as thou art–
Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
Like nature’s patient, sleepless Eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
Of pure ablution round earth’s human shores,
Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask
Of snow upon the mountains and the moors–
No–yet still stedfast, still unchangeable,
Pillow’d upon my fair love’s ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,
Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,
Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,
And so live ever–or else swoon in death
–John Keats (1795-1821)
On a gloomy Saturday, when I was feeling a bit gloomy myself, I made the mistake of watching the film, Bright Star.* I cried my eyes out through the entire film and left the theater in a state of despair wondering if romance is dead.
It seems that romance these days come in a form prescribed by Hollywood, Hallmark, Tiffany’s and other commercial giants in the dating, wedding and jewelry industries. The good old-fashioned love letter or poem has been replaced by text messages written in incomplete, acronymic phrases and mass-produced greeting cards printed with generic poetry authored by some unknown Joe. The hand-picked garden bouquet has been replaced by pre-assembled flower arrangements purchased over the internet with a few clicks of a mouse. The loving gesture of an embroidered handkerchief or a pencil-sketch portrait has been replaced by more extravagant gifts easily bought with a credit card. And even then, with the convenience of store-bought gifts, off-the-shelf flowers and ready-made cards, it is only on days like Valentine’s Day, birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas or the day after a quarrel that such gifts are given. Rarely is a gift given for no reason other than to say “I love you” or “I think you’re wonderful”.
So I can’t help but wonder if there are still romantics like John Keats, who spends his days writing poetry and letters to his beloved girl, or the Fanny Brawne’s who cultivates a butterfly farm in honor of her love. For all the romanticism we buy into these days, it seems we have done away with the originality, creativity and spontaneity that make romance romance.
*Written by Jane Campion, Bright Star follows the love story of John Keats (one of English history’s foremost Romantic poets) and Fanny Brawne. Considered “a piece of cinematic poetry”, this film is highly recommended to those who are hopeless romantics like myself. To watch the movie trailer, click on Bright Star Movie Trailer.
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I think romance still exists, it is just harder to muster, in many ways due to modern technology (IMHO). Love letters are romance on steroids, right? Well, back in the day, there really wasn’t much else a guy could do. He had to write a letter if he wanted to talk to a chick who lives a town over, or was apart from him for one reason or another. He had to send a calling card because it was improper to show up and being alone together before you were married? um NO! So, another card.. letter… note… now days, there is so much access that the naturally occurring opportunities “of old” are rare.. a guy would have to go out of his way now to sit down and write a letter.. (and if any guy is reading this – letters are like gold! Women cannot resist a well written love letter!)
I am reminded of a time when I was being rather abstract and forced a guy to only communicate with me via letter.. no calls, no emails, no texts, no facebook… I demanded paper! I figured it was a good way to be rid of him. To my surprise, he sat down and penned a very nice 4 page letter on nice stationary. (yes, i would have been less impressed with college rule school paper). I didn’t go out with him, but I was very impressed!
Romance has to be very intentional these days.. and I suppose it is the rare occurrence that makes it all the more worthy..
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Romance is more of the small things not necessarily purposeful actions. More of the things that come naturally in a loving relationship. Him brushing a chunk of hair out of my eyes. Reaching out at random moments to hold my hand. Pulling me closer to him when a car gets too close. Just being next to each other, a happiness that is felt not spoken.
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Romance to me is thoughtfulness, a note, an email, flowers or a funny image sent to you because he or she is thinking about you. I don’t care (too much
) what the form of the appreciation and love is, you just got to show it in ways that genuinely say what either John Keats or the goofball down the road says in their own ways to the ones they love. Is it dead? not necessarily… hard to find… definitely. People are too busy these days to take the time to smell the ‘romance’…sad, oui, mon ami?
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Meg, your posting got me thinking about what I would consider as a romantic moment.
I am sure this will be familiar to many of us women… That moment when you see an attractive man accross the room, your eyes locked in contact for just a few seconds… Your heart starts to beat and your cheeks blush with the heat of the excitement.
For me that moment of passion mixed with adrenaline and whatever other hormone is involved, is romance… Short-lived romance, that when you think about it the next day, the feelings come rushing back again…
This can happen even if you are in a relationship with someone else. It is that fundamental nature of human connection, mostly linked of course to sexuality and desire.
So, to respond to your question of whether “Romance is dead”, well I think not at all. It just manifests itself in ways which we often don’t recognise…
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